Dear Bread Winners Driver,

Tailgating other drivers in morning traffic while going 75mph is not a great way to keep your company from having to pay out the ass for you causing an accident.  Moreover, swerving across four lanes of traffic to get one car ahead is not advisable.  I'm not sure if you were delivering breakfast for the restaurant or kidneys to a transplant recipient; but you need to seriously rethink your driving approach.  At the very least, you might try remembering that you are a direct reflection of the company for which you deliver.

Sincerely, 

DRJ

Tuesday Morning: January 31

Bread Winners Management: Please click on the photo shown here to enlarge.

UPDATE:  I was contacted almost immediately after my posting here.  The Vice President of Operations was  kind and apologetic.  She also let me know that they've conveyed the importance of safe driving!  I appreciate the quick and sincere response.  Thank you!
Cake Balls for everyone!  

Dear People Who Are Not Paying Attention,

Just because Facebook says I live in London, does not mean I actually live there.  Please pay attention.

Sincerely,
DRJ

If you wanna be somebody...if you wanna go somewhere...you better wake up and paaaaaaaaaaay attention!

Dear Gov. Jan Brewer,

Stop taking yourself and your bargain bin book so seriously.  For the same $15.00 that your book costs, I could get breakfast, a new ring tone, and a hand job from a toothless transvestite illegal alien who probably crossed the border in your state.  I think that would be a better way to spend fifteen bucks.  You are no different than any other politician.  You said you would lower taxes in your state...instead you raised them.  You said you were concerned about education...but you took the 10 million for education from the federal government and instead spent it on border security.  You are also trying desperately to create the country's largest racial profiling campaign.  I'm thinking it TAKES a scorpion to recognize one.

Sincerely,
DRJ

Queen Scorpion, Gov. Jan Brewer... Read about it here...

Dear Hateful Georgia Republicans,

You lost.  Get over it.  Please stop wasting taxpayer money on "Bitter Betty" lawsuits.  

Sincerely,
DRJ

Ridiculous Georgia Presidential "ballot" lawsuit. Read about it here...

Dear Nicki Minaj,

I love you.  I really do.  If words could kill, Lil' Kim's family would be picking out caskets!  POW!

Sincerely,
DRJ

P.S. - I'm going to start calling people "Bubbles" when they get on my nerves!!!

"How you gon' be the stunt double to the nigga monkey?" LOL See the video here...

Dear Marianne Gingrich,

Your timing is very suspect.  Had you bothered to stop hating on your ex-husband from 1999 until 2012 and instead, started getting regular facials, massages, and counseling, you could have avoided this...

Sincerely,

DRJ

A cautionary tale for the ex's of the world...Read about it here...

Dear Dallas Mavs Twitter,

You're doing too effing much.  Let off the Tweet gas already.

Sincerely,
DRJ

Dear Betty White,

You're amazing, humble, hilarious, inspiring, and loved!  Happy Birthday!
Thank you for making me laugh, even on days when I felt like crying!

Sincerely,
DRJ

Betty White still going strong! Read about it here...

Mayor Michael Nutter,

Your harsh words were hard to hear for some; but what you said about parents being responsible for their children needed to be said.  Thank you for having the courage to speak out against irresponsible parenting.  People are way too eager to let their kids raise themselves.  Not a good look...at all.

Sincerely,
DRJ

Somebody needed to say it...damn! Read about it here...

Dear Beyonce and Jay-Z,

You are not the Duke and Duchess of Windsor.  Please cut back on all the new baby drama.  It's just not necessary.

Sincerely,
DRJ

P.S. - I really hope Blue Ivy Carter did not get her fathers lips.  You might go broke buying lipstick!

Baby mama drama...read about it here!

Dear Parents,

Maybe you should feel a sense of shame rather than humor over your children's reaction to prank Christmas presents.  You've obviously failed to teach them the real meaning of the holiday.

Sincerely,
DRJ

Funny...sad...potato...potahto. Read all about it...

Dear Oklahoma,

Please stop letting people charged with murder get out on bail.  Most get called out for doing too much.  I'm afraid you are doing too little.  What's your damage?

Sincerely,
DRJ

Ummm really? $50,000.00 bail...that's it? Read all about it... 

Dear Angry People,

Why are you SO upset about the destruction of a few wedding dresses?  More than half of the people who would have been recipients of a dress donation would end up divorced and bitter anyhow!  Pick your battles.

Sincerely,
DRJ

Be angry about something that REALLY matters! Read about the nonsense here...

Dear Jail Bitch,

Stop complaining about being shackled while giving birth in the slammer!  You are in jail heifer...not Baylor Medical Center.  Be glad they didn't make you deliver your baby while still wearing the tacky orange jumpsuit.

Sincerely,
DRJ

They call it JAIL for a reason lady! Read about it here...

Dear Amazon.com,

You have me strung out like a desperate crack whore!  Why must you be so addicting???

Sincerely,
DRJ

Dear President Obama,

I really do love ya, but you have to give it a rest with these daily campaign emails!!!

Sincerely,
DRJ

Dear Mahmoud Ahmadinejad,

You should remember... We don't need a drone to destroy your entire military presence.  It won't matter that you have a U.S. drone if you aren't alive to use it.

Sincerely,
DRJ

Gloating is great until you're being scrapped up off the pavement. Read about it here...

Dear Dallas Mavericks,

I don't know what the hell is going on over there in downtown Dallas, but you ALL need to sort your lives out.  What kind of players walk away from a championship team?  What kind of executives let them?  All the fans have seen during this lockout is greed.  You can all do better than what you are showing us right now.

Sincerely,
DRJ

Shameful mess...read all about it here...

Dear Mugger Who Got His ASS Beaten,

This is what you get for spending more time getting lines cut into your hair than you do educating yourself.  Go back to school and learn how to earn a living instead of trying to steal one.  Your first assignment is to look up the definition of "ironic".  Below, is an example to help you define the word.

Sincerely,
DRJ

Ironic: A man with the last name Miranda having his Miranda rights read to him.

Dear Donald Trump,

You have the nerve to call people "joke candidates"?  
That's the punch-line calling the joke funny.

Sincerely,
DRJ

   A jackass calling other people donkeys...read all about it here!

Dear Colorado,

Quentin Tarantino called.  He'd like you to give him the plot to his next movie back!  What's with all the meth and sex?

Sincerely,

DRJ

P.S. - You should have Ted Haggard and former Sheriff Patrick Sullivan trade notes.  

Meth and Sex Saga ~ Eclipse - Starring Pastor Ted Haggard

Meth and Sex Saga ~ Breaking Dawn - Starring Sheriff Patrick Sullivan

Dear Readers,

Breaking News - A Dear DRJ Exclusive

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

2:20PM

A fourth accuser has come forward stating that they are currently in a relationship with Republican candidate Herman Cain.  This video was just released to national news organizations moments ago.  Click on the link below to be redirected to the video release as seen on YouTube!

A fourth Herman Cain Accuser speaks out moments ago!!!

Dear Jackson Family,

Releasing old songs with the "Immortal Version" tag does not magically make it a new album by Michael Jackson.   This is a little like serving mashed potatoes from last month on a different set of plates.
Money isn't everything.
You are ruining Michael's legacy.
Please stop.

Sincerely,
DRJ

They should have called this "album" Imitation.

Dear iTunes,

Please sort out your constant software updating.  You are starting to remind me of Microsoft!

Sincerely,
DRJ

This should state: Version (10.5.4.3.2.1.0.99999999.2)

Dear Leonardo DiCaprio,

Please stop telling people that The Great Gatsby is being made in 3D so that people can be "immersed" in the movie.  This is just another way for you and the studio executives to increase profit margin with higher ticket prices for 3D.  

Sincerely,

DRJ

PS: As long as you are trying to charge 3D prices, try giving us something other than a 1D performance.  

I call bullshit!

Dear Oneal Morris,

WHO the HELL told you it was OK to do that to your ass?  There is a bottle of anti-psychotic meds with your name all over it!

Sincerely,
DRJ

Doing WAY too much!

Dear Newlyweds,

I'm thinking that your wedding venue burning to the grown is the least of your worries.  Nancy, you are dressed like Mrs. Santa Claus.  Michael, you look like an insurance salesman.
Please sort out your look.

Sincerely,
DRJ

   Up in smoke..literally and figuratively...

Dear Britney Spears,

When you get bitten by a gay man, it might be time cut the tour short and head home.

Sincerely,
DRJ

Gives a whole new meaning to "bite me"...

Dear Carrie Fisher,

You are WAY too old to have your boobs hanging out like this.  It's time to cover it up Princess.

Sincerely,
DRJ

Galactic Geriatric Boobs!

Dear Albuquerque International Sunport,

For the love of all that is good and kind, please update your carpet!!!!

Sincerely,
DRJ

Dear Mike McQueary,

This is one time in your life that it's perfectly acceptable to be a quitter.
Get to it!

Sincerely,
DRJ

Dear Canada,

I'm going to request that you ask your people to keep their feet to themselves.

Sincerely,
DRJ

More feet wash up on Canadian shores!!! (insert vomit noises here)

Dear Jim Bob & Michelle Duggar ,

I've scheduled meetings for you both.

Michelle, you have a meeting at 9:45am tomorrow with the Bob Barker.  He'd like to express his wish for you to skip the pets and have yourself spayed.

Jim Bob, you have a 10:45am appointment with Lorena Bobbitt.  I think you know what this meeting is about.

Sincerely,
DRJ

Pictured Above: Michelle & Jim Bob Duggar

MESS!

  

Dear Drake,

The only thing more odd than your face is your apparent need to sound exactly like Lil' Wayne.
Please develop your own sound.

Sincerely,
DRJ

Ehhh...I could have had a V8...

Dear Candice Bergen,

The latest Herman Cain accuser should be sued for stealing your look!  

Sincerely,
DRJ

Candice Bergen knock-off!

Dear Justin Bieber,

Your "duet" with Mariah Carey is the auto-tuned musical equivalent of a drive-by shooting.

Sincerely,
DRJ

Dear Otis Spunkmeyer,

I effing HATE you!  Why are you so damned delicious???

Sincerely,
DRJ

Dear FCC and CBS,

It has been 7 years since Janet Jackson's boob made a "touchdown" of it's own.
LET IT GO ALREADY!!!

Sincerely,
DRJ

Pictured above: FCC Chairman Julius Genachowski, Janet Jackson, Justin Timberlake

Boob Law Suit Nonsense!

Dear Maury Povich,

Justin Bieber is in desperate need of your services!  

Sincerely,

DRJ

Send in the little Bieber! 

Dear Bank of America,

A wise man once said, "The best way to keep from having to pull your head out of your ass is to never put it there in the first place."

Ok, so, it wasn't a wise man.  It was me.  It's still fabulous advice.

Sincerely,
DRJ

BofA Dropping Planned Debit Card Fee!