Dear Mary J. Blige & T-Pain,

You two should save plastic and make just one shitty CD together.

Mary, you are still singing about haters.

T-Pain, you are still auto-tuning about being important.

Dear DRJ can now independently confirm that nobody hates you or thinks you are important.

Please stop.    

Sincerely,
DRJ

Mary's tired re-make...

A T-Painful Mess...

Dear Paris Hilton,

Your statement about most gay guys having AIDS is semi-hilarious coming from someone who's appeared in multiple sex tapes having unprotected sex.  Maybe you should use some of your vast fortune to purchase a clue.  

Sincerely, 

DRJ

P.S. - Go fuck yourself...and don't forget to use a condom!

Read all about this mess here...

Dear Mitt Romney,

Did you really think we wouldn't notice your "Mexican Face" on Univision last night?  Either you just came back from sunning in Aruba or your campaign makeup artist thought this was a sure-fire way to draw in Latino voters.  This is absolute MESS.

Sincerely,
DRJ

P.S. - The Spanish word for fail is... fallar.

Still no immigration answers...

Dear Bicep Guy,

When your arms hinder you from wiping your own ass, you might be doing too much.

Sincerely,
DRJ

Waaaaaaaay too much time...

Dear Lil' Kim,

Pilgrim's Pride just called.  They want their Thanksgiving turkey packaging back.  You look like a 20 pound turkey wrapped in a 2 pound bag!

Sincerely,
DRJ


P.S. - Your fingers make me hungry for those little smokey sausages my mom used to make for breakfast!

This outfit looks a little stressed out. Mess...