Dear Tim McGraw,

Thank you!

Sincerely,
DRJ

Watch the hotness!

Dear Black Chicken Thieves,

The only thing that could make this story worse is if you two had hijacked a watermelon stand too! Please sort out your effing lives!  You make us all look bad.  Ain't nobody got time fuh dat!

Sincerely,

DRJ

 

Who the fuck steals CHICKEN?????

Dear Woman Who Eats Cat Hair,

Congratulations on making the woman who eats rocks look completely normal.  This gives a whole new meaning to eating pussy.

Sincerely,

DRJ

Watch her in action here!

Dear Lunch Birds,

Keep eyeing my food and they will be adding "street chicken" to the damn menu!

Sincerely,
DRJ

Dear South,

Sincerely,
DRJ

Dear Taylor Swift,

Give your vag a break and sit your ass down.  I know hookers who date less than you do.

Sincerely,
DRJ

P.S. - You never looked better!  :-)

More dates than a calendar...

Dear Warner Bros.,

I'd rather drink the saline from Dolly's implants while watching Queen Latifah do squat-thrusts than watch Joyful Noise ever again.  That is all.

Sincerely,
DRJ

  

Dear Kim Kardashian,

So let me get this all straight...

You are still married to one guy...dating another...now you're knocked up.
Congratulations on single-handledly reviving Jerry Springer's career opportunities!

Sincerely,
DRJ

This is SO not a Beyonce and JayZ kind of situation...