Dear Readers,

Breaking News - A Dear DRJ Exclusive

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

2:20PM

A fourth accuser has come forward stating that they are currently in a relationship with Republican candidate Herman Cain.  This video was just released to national news organizations moments ago.  Click on the link below to be redirected to the video release as seen on YouTube!

A fourth Herman Cain Accuser speaks out moments ago!!!

Dear Jackson Family,

Releasing old songs with the "Immortal Version" tag does not magically make it a new album by Michael Jackson.   This is a little like serving mashed potatoes from last month on a different set of plates.
Money isn't everything.
You are ruining Michael's legacy.
Please stop.

Sincerely,
DRJ

They should have called this "album" Imitation.

Dear iTunes,

Please sort out your constant software updating.  You are starting to remind me of Microsoft!

Sincerely,
DRJ

This should state: Version (10.5.4.3.2.1.0.99999999.2)

Dear Leonardo DiCaprio,

Please stop telling people that The Great Gatsby is being made in 3D so that people can be "immersed" in the movie.  This is just another way for you and the studio executives to increase profit margin with higher ticket prices for 3D.  

Sincerely,

DRJ

PS: As long as you are trying to charge 3D prices, try giving us something other than a 1D performance.  

I call bullshit!

Dear Oneal Morris,

WHO the HELL told you it was OK to do that to your ass?  There is a bottle of anti-psychotic meds with your name all over it!

Sincerely,
DRJ

Doing WAY too much!

Dear Newlyweds,

I'm thinking that your wedding venue burning to the grown is the least of your worries.  Nancy, you are dressed like Mrs. Santa Claus.  Michael, you look like an insurance salesman.
Please sort out your look.

Sincerely,
DRJ

   Up in smoke..literally and figuratively...

Dear Britney Spears,

When you get bitten by a gay man, it might be time cut the tour short and head home.

Sincerely,
DRJ

Gives a whole new meaning to "bite me"...

Dear Carrie Fisher,

You are WAY too old to have your boobs hanging out like this.  It's time to cover it up Princess.

Sincerely,
DRJ

Galactic Geriatric Boobs!

Dear Albuquerque International Sunport,

For the love of all that is good and kind, please update your carpet!!!!

Sincerely,
DRJ

Dear Mike McQueary,

This is one time in your life that it's perfectly acceptable to be a quitter.
Get to it!

Sincerely,
DRJ

Dear Canada,

I'm going to request that you ask your people to keep their feet to themselves.

Sincerely,
DRJ

More feet wash up on Canadian shores!!! (insert vomit noises here)

Dear Jim Bob & Michelle Duggar ,

I've scheduled meetings for you both.

Michelle, you have a meeting at 9:45am tomorrow with the Bob Barker.  He'd like to express his wish for you to skip the pets and have yourself spayed.

Jim Bob, you have a 10:45am appointment with Lorena Bobbitt.  I think you know what this meeting is about.

Sincerely,
DRJ

Pictured Above: Michelle & Jim Bob Duggar

MESS!

  

Dear Drake,

The only thing more odd than your face is your apparent need to sound exactly like Lil' Wayne.
Please develop your own sound.

Sincerely,
DRJ

Ehhh...I could have had a V8...

Dear Candice Bergen,

The latest Herman Cain accuser should be sued for stealing your look!  

Sincerely,
DRJ

Candice Bergen knock-off!

Dear Justin Bieber,

Your "duet" with Mariah Carey is the auto-tuned musical equivalent of a drive-by shooting.

Sincerely,
DRJ

Dear Otis Spunkmeyer,

I effing HATE you!  Why are you so damned delicious???

Sincerely,
DRJ

Dear FCC and CBS,

It has been 7 years since Janet Jackson's boob made a "touchdown" of it's own.
LET IT GO ALREADY!!!

Sincerely,
DRJ

Pictured above: FCC Chairman Julius Genachowski, Janet Jackson, Justin Timberlake

Boob Law Suit Nonsense!

Dear Maury Povich,

Justin Bieber is in desperate need of your services!  

Sincerely,

DRJ

Send in the little Bieber! 

Dear Bank of America,

A wise man once said, "The best way to keep from having to pull your head out of your ass is to never put it there in the first place."

Ok, so, it wasn't a wise man.  It was me.  It's still fabulous advice.

Sincerely,
DRJ

BofA Dropping Planned Debit Card Fee!