Dear Yearbook Coochie Girl,

Your beaver has not only ruined a yearbook, it has ruined my dinner!

Sincerely,

DRJ

WTF? Read all about it...

Dear Woman Who Eats Rocks,

Ummm...

A. You are eating WAY more than rocks.
B. What the fuck?
C. You work with special needs children?
D. Who's working with YOU?
E. What the fuck?
F.  I'd really hate to be your dentist.

Sincerely,
DRJ

Complicated? Nah... Eat Rocks = Crazy

Dear ESPN,

I don't want to hear about basketball from nerds who never venture outside the house or away from their web-cam.  Sort out your pool of "reporters".

Sincerely,
DRJ

Dear Bristol Palin,

Please stop criticizing the President of the United States and stick to what you know best, spreading the butter...and your legs.  Nobody is buying your Little Miss Morality routine.  Take a note from your mother's playbook and quit while you're ahead.

Sincerely,
DRJ

The loose girl calling the kettle black.

Dear Nelly Furtado,

There is a fine line between being versatile and being completely lost.  It's time you get a map!

Sincerely,
DRJ

 Big Hoops...Small Direction.

Dear Colombian Secret Service Hooker,

Your life looks about as "ruined" as fresh bread.  It's hard to believe you fear for your family's safety while grinning ear to ear.  Perhaps you should have asked the agents for a nickel to put between your knees.   It's just a thought.

Sincerely,

DRJ

Hooker Hilarity

Dear Tanning Mom,

When you look like a vintage handbag from the 1920's or Yoda's distant cousin, it's time to stop.  You are doing way too much and not enough...all at the same time!

Sincerely,

DRJ

handbag.com/maytheforcebewithyou